the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
