Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
