i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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