I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
