So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
