guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
