I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
