I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
