Old men and throwing up are my life now.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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