Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
