The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
