no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize