Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I need moral support for this bender
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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