genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Found the puke drawer
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
