So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Maybe he injected his testicle?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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