PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
