there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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