just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize