oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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