I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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