I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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