he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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