Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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