69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
