The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
What a dumb baby whore.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
