Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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