The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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