I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
