areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize