OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
