It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
