I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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