Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
