we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize