You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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