Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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