and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
