When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
