I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
