ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
