id be glad to
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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