I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
