I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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