her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Mom said you looked used
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
