I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
