Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
