he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
