Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
