I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
