He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
