After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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