I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
