Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
