Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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