how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
