we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
