You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
