Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
