I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
