so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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