I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
