hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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