I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize